University life is well and truly in swing. I'm over half way through the course, and have had my ups and downs.

I was living there to start with, but I felt awful since too much was changing all at the same time. It felt far too much like my initial try at university and if I'd have stayed there, then there's a good chance that I would have probably given up completely again. And I know if that happened then I would never tried again. So I came home.
With the university only being an hour away from where I live with my parents, it wasn't such a huge deal. I decided that I had to at least give my classes a try and see how it worked out.. The first few times commuting were terrifying as I worried about whether or not I'd gotten on the right train etc. Now though, it doesn't bother me. I've gotten used to it all.

I adore my creative writing classes. I've met some great people in them and had a lot of fun writing. The poetry sections are a bit of a struggle and I always dread when I have to write them, but I've managed to write a few. One of which is a sonnet that shall count towards my final mark for the module and I've a second poem assignment to do as well.
I'm not having too much trouble with the prose assignments though, besides a few small bouts of writers block (despite what J.T. says) so the whole thing really is just reinforcing the fact that writing is a comfortable fit for me. It helps to know that other people like my work and I can safely manage to create something under specific sets of rules that people set me without getting too frustrated with it all.

English on the other hand. Part of me still isn't totally sure that I've picked the right course there, but it's a bit late to change now so I'm just going to have to deal with it, knowing that it's just a necessary evil in order to do the more enjoyable stuff. I've got a lot of analysis to catch up on for my poetry modules which are hard since the rest of my class don't seem to like taking part in them. And then I also have an essay to research and write.
My problem with the essay is the fact that it feels like I'm just rehashing other peoples ideas (When I find them, which is proving harder then I thought). I'm used to writing essays using my own brain and just the text in front of me. I'm perfectly capable of answering the question already, I just have to find other people's work to base everything on, which I find highly irritating.

Still, once I've manage to get the assignments done for the 3 upcoming deadlines, then the pressure will come off a bit. Christmas will be here, and after that I'll just be one assignment a month until the end of april, where I'll have the easter holiday to work on things.

Take Care,
V
Xx

   So the day finally arrived. Dreaded and anticipated by thousands of students throughout the country.

   A Level Results Day.

   Despite the face that I've been through this whole affair 4 times now, it never gets any less terrifying. I enjoy my summer and try to put it out of my mind as best I can until about 2 days before the results are released, then I turn into a bit of a jibbering wreck - the closer it gets, the worse I become.

   I'm not sure how much sleep I got last time but I think I did rather well this time. I stayed up until about 2 in the morning, distracting myself with some stand up comedy and I eventually got to sleep at maybe 3ish. I was awake more or less every hour but I managed to get back to sleep pretty quickly each time until it hit half past 7. I was far more awake then I had been any of the previous times and the moment I looked at the clock my heart started pounded - Ucas Track should be up and running hopefully.

   So I threw off the covers and dashed through to the living room where my mom was watching TV. She asked me what was wrong - but considering I was running towards my computer, that's not too surprising - and I just said "Results should be up". So I stood at my computer and waited for my computer to load, which took far too long for my liking. When I eventually got on to the ucas website and saw that I could log into track the anticipation hit. I had to enter my details 3 times because I missed one letter in my user name (oops); that caused a small panic and I wondered whether somehow the password had gotten changed. But eventually, I logged in and was greeted by the sight of "Congratulations!" which is as far as I read. I didn't need to read the rest. I'd gotten in.

   The last time I applied for University and saw those words I burst into tears. Maybe I should have seen that as a warning sign, but I just thought they where tears of happiness. This time I just let out a sigh of relief and smiled. My mom congratulated me. I text my dad and my best friend and they did the same. Then I went back to bed.

   A few hours later my alarm goes off and I get up, washed and dressed and head into college to pick up the results. Since I already knew that I'd gotten into uni, there was no fear of opening them up, in the end, what the actual grades are didn't matter. I picked them up and opened them as I walked back to the car. Film Studies C, a grade above what I needed. English B, again, a grade above what I needed. With a big smile on my face I opened the car door and said "You were right, I got a B in English." (Mom said she had a feeling I'd gotten a B.) I then looked at the marks for each module, and despite the fact that for one module in each subject I wasn't too confident, I still managed to get C's. Yay for the powers of blagging I guess.

   I didn't get the grades I need. I got the grades I wanted. Now the final prearations for uni can begin.

   I hope every else has done well on there's too.
   V
   Xx

   So I've just come back from a holiday in Wales, and it already feels like just a distant dream. It was one of the most amazing, beautiful and peaceful places that I have ever been. I didn't want to come home.

   But a holiday doesn't last forever, no matter how much I wish it could. So I'm back at home, with my things still needing to be unpacked and feeling thoroughly out of place just sitting around doing nothing. I'd gotten used to waking at 8 in the morning, getting dressed, doing my suncream and then makeup in the window seat. I'd become accustomed to getting into the huge walking-advertisement that was our rented vehicle and making the horrific drive down single track country lanes where you couldn't see round the next corner. And I loved walking around the hills and forests and general splendor of Snowdonia National Park despite my knees protests. I shall miss it terribly, but I'm sure I'll be able to go back there one day, and I have photos and memories to last me until then.

   I've seen mountains and waterfalls, beaches and forests, mines and castles.

   I've seen a farm dog guide me around burial chambers, a bird of prey in the wild, and a seagull that uses Zebra crossings.

   I've seen victorian houses, worked flint in a place where it doesn't exist naturally and lived in a 13th century cottage.

   I've had an amazing time, and I hope everyone else can enjoy the wonder of Welsh countryside at least once in their lifetimes.

   Take care,
   V
   Xx

   Ok. So I'm off on holiday for a week at the beginning of August, and my dad has begun his ritual of panicking!

   To start off I feel spoiled by the whole affair. I'm used to a 5 day holiday once every 4 years. But this time we're going for 7 days...or 8 technically  - though two days are mostly spent traveling - and we went on holiday last year. It's not like we couldn't afford a cheap holiday every year, it's just the past few times we've spent out more and gone to center parcs and done lots of things there (and the price doubles if you stay for the weekend hence only 5 days) . I've loved those holidays and wouldn't swap them for the world, but center parcs has become a bit crowded recently and we've decided to go for something different - Wales!

   I've never been myself and I'm utterly excited - This is the first time I'm ever going to have seen a mountain! (seriously) - but my dad on the other hand has to deal with all the maps and driving and things so he's panicking. He does it every year, a week before we head off he realizes that there's maps to be made, luggage to be packed, food to sort out, lists to write etc etc. Plus we still need to find places to eat at whilst we're there, though after today I've offered to look some up if dad tells me the nearby villages. My brother and his wife are just sort of leaving it to us though so that doesn't help. It's a nightmare listening to his rantings about everything that needs doing though and I'll be glad when we're finally there and he's not stressing about it so much anymore.

   In other news I've been trying to put the footage from my analogue video recorder onto computer. Not having a great deal of luck though. I can get the picture onto the computer and after a bit of messing around I seem to have gotten the sound...But it's coming through with a really bad echo and I haven't a clue what's causing it. I've given up for now though. Might try again tomorrow if I have the patience for it...

   Take Care
   V
   Xx

   Whenever I go shopping for something in the clothing line I always end up coming home with something else...Does anyone else get that or is it just me?

   I went shopping with my mom today in Matalan...not exactly the most glorious shop in the world but it's cheap and the clothes I've bought from there usually last quite a while. I intended to buy some new tops as most of the ones I have now either don't fit, don't suit me or I'm not that keen on anymore. A few years ago I hated having logos and things across my t-shirts so everything I had was plain, which was great for the time, and I can still make a good outfit with most of them given the right accessories, but my wardrobe seems a bit plain now. Especially since mostly it's just tank tops and plain t-shirts.

   This means that the few nice things I have - Like the t-shirt with cross straps on the back - get worn more or less every week. And from the outside it must seem like I only one a handful of clothing. With going to university in September as well, I really could do with some new things. Unfortunately however, a bunch of tops wasn't exactly what I ended up coming home with...

   I got two sets of PJ bottoms, 2 belts and 1 shirt...So not completely off. Plus I needed new pj bottoms and belts anyway...honestly! I'm not just making excuses. Oh! And I got some knives and forks (since the ones I was going to have for uni are mostly broken...They had plastic handles that kind of snapped. One of the knives snapped whilst I was trying to scrape up some butter and I ended up punching myself in the stomach.).

   My mom didn't do much better. She only got one top, but the clothes she'd ordered from a catalogue arrived and they look fab on her. Hopefully they won't just sit in the wardrobe under the excuse of "I have no reason to wear them" like a number of other things...

   Still. I'm going shopping again with the great K.O. next week so hopefully I'll manage to pick up some more stuff then. And possibly tesco's with my mom later in the week...I saw some nice summer dresses there the last time I was in.

   Take care.
   V
   Xx

   I spend a lot of time in the evenings watching films and tv with my dad. On occasion one of us will snack - him more often then me these days since I now have the distraction of knitting. Lately he's been having salt and pepper crisps and it just keeps reminding me of being back in highschool.

   My best friend at the time, R.C. and I used to go to town quite often. At some point throughout the day we'd head to BHS cafe and sit down for a drink and some doodling. We always used to have the same thing. Strawberry and Kiwi drink each and shared a packed of salt and pepper crisps. We'd then sit down with an A5 drawing pad and doddle with a 2H pencil as we talked.

   It's just a random little memory, but I enjoyed those times.

   Anyway. I should head off. I have a washing machine to wait for, medicine to pick up and a hair appointment to attend.

   Take care everyone,
   V
   Xx

   After receiving my housing information from the uni, and referring to my sister in law for a bit more information I have found out this.

   I am living in my first choice accommodation at university.

   There are of course some ups and downs.

   Advantage   I have no one living above me!
   Disadvantage   I have 12 flights of stairs between the door and my room...
   Advantage   It'll be good exercise!
   Disadvantage   May well kill my lungs and knee until I get used to it...
   Advantage   Noisy drunken sods won't want to walk that high looking for a party after the clubs close!
   Disadvantage   I am likely to fall down the stairs whilst drunk and/or late at least once...
   Advantage   I only share a wall with one person!
   Disadvantage   I have the front door on the other side of me which will bang every time someone enters or leaves...
   Advantage   My room looks out into the courtyard - no nasty roads for me!
   Disadvantage   The kitchen is opposite me so it could be a bit noisy during the day on occasion...
   Advantage   I'm far enough away from the uni that I don't have to deal with the union noise!
   Disadvantage   I will have further to walk after a night out...
   Advantage   Nice big kitchen! (at least compared to what I'm used to)
   Disadvantage   I'm 5 minutes from the football ground so it could get a bit noisy occasionally
   Advantage   It's en-suite, so no bathroom sharing for me!

   In other news. I spent the day with my best friend, the great K.O. and had a fabulous day. So much love for the spontaneous outing my friend! We generally hung out, shopped and watched Harry Potter. It was good and only one bit actually really irritated me.

   Take care everyone.
   V
   Xx

   A second update. A second day.

   Not a great deal has happened since yesterday, but I did spend a good chunk of the afternoon lying on my bed and making notes on my story. My hope is that I'll have the whole thing all figured out and planned by the end of the summer, and then hopefully written by the time I finish uni. Admittedly I'd be nice if I could get it all finished in about a year since, if I ever do become a professional writer, then I'll be aiming for a book a year. But this if the first one, and realistically, I'm going to have a hell of a lot to do whilst I'm at Uni, so giving myself a longer target is probably much more realistic.

   Of course, even getting it planned at the moment is causing me problems, I keep coming across lost story threads, plot holes and forgotten characters. Still, I have my dad to bounce ideas off and it's certainly helping to sort things out in my head a bit more. The enthusiasm for it is returning though, which is good, it's been so long since I've actually managed to work on it that it ended up becoming a bit of a background thought. Something that was always there but never dealt with.

   My offer for doing free commissions still stands though. I find it quite enjoyable to be writing for someone else, especially being able to hear what they think of it after.

   Hope today treats you all well, and if anything interesting happens then you'll know tomorrow.

   V
   Xx

   So where to begin?

   Honestly I don't know. Life seems to utterly dull at the moment that I really don't know what to write here. I finished college awhile back and after spending most of my time stressing about exams and revising, I reveled in the chance to do whatever the hell I liked for a time. One week passes and I've spent nearly every waking hour playing a video game (Much like I do every year). I'm not complaining. I love the week to myself, and on top of that I've seen my friends a couple of times - though not as often as I'd like. But of course, I've also been ill nearly constantly since my exams.

   I always gain a cold after the exams, I'm so stressed out that my immune system goes to pot and I get ill the moment I start relaxing. Unfortunately, I hadn't quite finished my exams when I relaxed this year (in the end I don't actually need the grades from film studies). So I ended up spending half my exams snuffling and sneezing. It faded, came back and got worse, or I at least gained something else, possibly swine flu. And no, I'm not joking, It's just flu at the end of the day. I personally don't see the major concern about it. Yes a lot of people will get it, and yes, sadly a lot of people will die. But whilst it may be more contagious then normal flu, it's not more dangerous. Apparently it's also quite a weak thing so it's a lot less likely to mutate and infect people twice. Which I'll be glad of...I'll also be glad when I can take deep breaths without coughing again...

   Other then that though. My life hasn't really been all that exciting. But in an attempt to prepare my brain for uni I need to get back into the swing of writing, which includes updating this daily. (Not trying! Doing it, I will do it!) So I apologize in advance if this ends up becoming a bit of a ramble fest again.

   On a side, but related not. If anyone has any requests for writing - small snippets to go with pictures, a written version of some brain rambles or anything - then let me know. All practice is good practice.

   V
   Xx

   It would seem that my journal is more of a monthly account rather then the originally intended bi-weekly.

   College is as interesting as ever, filled with the usual deadlines, essays and drug dealers...Wait...Did I just say drug dealers?

   It would seem, that one of the film studies students (Seemingly from my particular class) has been accused of dealing drugs, in a lesson where we were lacking a teacher. Which one exactly is unclear but there is always suspicions. The trouble is, as far as I can tell, none of us have a damned clue about it, hell we were all trying to figure it out afterwards. We aren't exactly a big class, maybe 12 in total and I grew up with classes of 25-30 pupils, and it's a pretty open class room so we all talk away, especially when there isn't a teacher in the room to keep an eye on us. So if someone really was dealing drugs, they did it damned well!

   The accusation apparently comes from a parent and I have a feeling it may be a huge misunderstanding. You know - Parent over hears their kid talking about drugs and film studies, maybe a hypothetical conversation over who they think in class does drugs or something like that and then takes it the wrong way. Easily done.

   Hell, it wouldn't surprise me if it was the truth though. I've been in classes where students have sat rolling joints to have on their fag breaks, doing poppers in the courtyard, and discussing where to get their supply for the next party in the common room. It's not exactly uncommon.

   In other news, the ex decided to message me recently. (THE ex being the original, the first person I actually dated properly and who cheated on me.) I admit I was both curious and concerned about it, but in the end decided to message him back to try and find the reasoning behind the sudden interest. My loathing for the guy has disappeared over the years, and whilst I still hate what he did, I don't see the point in keeping a connection with him through hatred, even if it is a negative connection. In the end, I figure it's better to just accept that it happened and sever the connection as much as humanly possible - causes less pain in the end.  After a bit of messing around, I got a response, and I think he may have actually grown up.

   Don't worry, this doesn't mean I'm suddenly going to want to be with him again or anything like that (even if I did currently date guys), but he seems to have grasped the concept of just what he did, and if he really has grown up then thank god. One less selfish bastard in the world is always a good thing in my opinion.

   V
   Xx

   So Christmas is over and done.

   I'm sure there's lots of people out there who are screaming a big "Thank God!". The present giving is over. The horror of organizing Christmas dinner is done. And the traditional family argument is out of the way! Thing is though...It's not quite the same in my house.

   My family is pretty close and I love the lot of them. Since my brother moved out and has his own place with his wife, I see him more often at Christmas then anytime else. He tries to come over on Sundays for dinner but more often then not it doesn't happen due to a variety of things from work to illness to sheer exhaustion. The arguing is minimal (And usually a result of my dad panicking over the timing for Christmas dinner) and the present giving is the best part of the day! If you gave us all the gifts and let us rip into them then it would probably only take about 15 minutes, but we like to do it one person at a time so we can see what the others got and chat all the while we're doing it...In the end it usually takes about 3 hours...

   So I revel in the day! Admittedly I despise having to wake at 8 in the morning, loath how crowded our house becomes and I'm usually asleep half way through the family game in the evening but all in all it's one of my favorite days of the year. Plus, there's a two week break from college which I'm always thankful for, even if I am usually ill during it.

   But the day moves by, and New Years Eve rolls around. A time of drinking, laughing, singing, friends and watching bbc's coverage of the fireworks display team once again making London look like a war zone. I'm surprised anyone really goes to that display anymore, I mean, hours of freezing cold temperatures just to watch a fireworks display which has so much going on at the same time that it's impossible to register everything? Right the way to the very end when they give off that one giant explosion which results in everything looking like day time for a few seconds? I don't see the appeal myself.

   Sitting on the arm of a sofa in my friends house with a bottle of winter fruits cider (Which goes straight to my head thanks to the piriton I've been taking) singing along to karaoke discs and having a good catch up is much more fun! Of course, this also resorted in a highly amusing (but also highly embarrassing) video of the last thing we did in 2008 - a drunken and out of tune sing-a-long to bohemian rhapsody...Complete with Head Banging and Air Guitars - in fact there was even some Air Drumming and Air Piano work from the great K.O. I loved every minute of it!

   And then the New Year properly starts and everyone's back to work and 5 days later I'm at college again. Dragging my feet out of bed and into class, struggling to concentrate after small amounts of sleep (Due to a near completely reversed sleeping pattern) and wondering when I'll next get to see my friends. The winter blues have hit me and I'm not sure what I've got to look forward to next. But at least there's no afternoon class, and my mom has the day off work so I get to go home at a little after midday. And it's whilst I'm sat in the car, head resting back against the seat whilst I stare out of the window with half drooping eyes and music that refuses to play consistently thanks to a loose connection that I notice the moon in the clear blue sky. I marvel at it for a few moments, having never seen it out so early in the day before and then smile lightly to myself. It reinforces beliefs I already have -

   Things come and go
   Whilst the past should never be forgotten, it's been and done
   Whilst the future is important to look forward to, it's not yet here
   The present is where we are now, make the most of it before it becomes only be a memory.

   I hope you all had wonderful Holidays,

   V
   Xx

   I think I can safely say this is the worst day I've had for awhile.

   I'm ill yet again, and taking more anti-biotics to try and get rid of whatever infection it is that's causing me to cough every time I take more then a shallow breath, it's my chest I believe though it's not affecting my asthma like it normally does. So I got woke at half 6 to take one lot of pills, then due to a blocked nose I struggle to get back to sleep.

   When I eventually do wake up again I just don't want to get out of bed. There's no real reason for it, yeah I've gotta write some essays but that's no big deal really and I've not got college today so there shouldn't be a problem. Ha. I clean my room, sort out my desk and take out my folder ready to start on something, and what do I find? My notepads missing.

   Oh joy. Panic rushing around ensues as I desperately rip my bag apart and search the entire house (Despite the fact that I never actually took anything from my bag since class yesterday, so realistically it shouldn't be anywhere) as I mutter the mantra of "Shit shit shit" over and over again. Eventually I give up and give in to the fact that I've more then likely left it in the classroom yesterday, completely with all my english notes from the day and my essay question for that particular class.

   Of course, Mom's asleep and Dad's at work so I can't get a lift from either of them to check, and not only will the bus take an age but I haven't got the money out for it anyway. So I'm stuck texting R.E. in the hopes that he's at college and can check for me and hopefully drop it off on his way home, though I haven't heard back from him - I hope that means he's in class currently so that he can check when he's done and not simply that his phone has died.

   So I resign myself to waiting and that I can't really do anything about it at the moment. I mean, at the very worst I can get a copy of someones notes on Monday and do it during the week, I'd just have preferred to do it now and get it out of the way whilst I had a day off. In the mean time I figure I'll work on one of the other 2 essays I have to do.

   I sit down, I write some form of garbled introduction, and the start of a 1st paragraph when my brain turns around and goes "That makes no sense! " I reread, try to figure out how to reword it but can't so try to carry on...and find that my brain has died. After half an hour of staring at the page I eventually throw my pen down, give up and cry.

   In fact, whilst writing that last paragraph, I got a phone call from R.E. and he just hasn't been looking at his phone due to trying to sort out stuff himself and isn't in college so I guess I'll just wait until Monday and hope that my notes are still there then, or get a copy off someone else if they're not.

   So I think I'm just going to make myself a cup of tea, try to clear my head and hopefully try one of the other essays again later.

   I should have stayed in bed...

   V
   Xx

   So today marks the day we have the huge charity appeal for Children in Need, but the whole event seems to have been ignored to a large degree.

   Yes we still have our Children in Need program on BBC with the songs and games and silly little bits and pieces to look forward to at 7pm but in truth, if my parents hadn't mentioned it to me a few days ago I wouldn't have even realized it was today. Somehow my memories seem to remember seeing pudsey bear t-shirts and teddy bears everywhere leading up to the day but I've hardly seen anything...Maybe I've just not been in the right places.
   Since I have no classes today, I've missed out on the random students dressed in silly outfits (And often several of them using it as an excuse not to get dressed and come in wearing their PJ's!) wondering around with buckets collecting money, but when my Mom asked me if I'd go with her to Tesco Extra I figured I'd at least see a few people around there. But that didn't seem to be the case.
We went so that we could find a pudsey t-shirt for my mom to wear tonight for work, and considering it's actually children in need today, you'd think it wouldn't be too hard. But besides Boots having a small stand with a couple of bags and a few bottles of perfume on it, and a giant pudsey walking around, there didn't seem to be anything! I was sorely disappointed that there was no silly wigs or costumes worn by people, we didn't even get near anyone with a bucket, not once!  And I clearly remember struggling to go 5 minutes any other year without seeing someone with a bucket.
   It makes me kinda sad, maybe people have decided not to make such a big deal out of it because of the money problems right now or maybe my memories are just fooling me into thinking it was bigger then it actually was, but I miss the silliness that comes with the day. At least with the bidding things their doing they should get a decent amount of money, I mean, they're selling a James Bond watch for the charity for christ sake! Which was going for like £15,000 the last time I checked! And the Torchwood Experience! Gah, I wanted that! I've no way of affording it, but would have been very cool!

   V
   xx

    I'm utterly useless at updating this. I really am...

    To be truthful, I don't really know why I'm updating now. Just, I've been reading various things on here, had to log in to comment and then figured, why not? It has been 9 months after all

    So it's Tuesday. My day off from college and I'm currently trying to gather the energy required to clear up my desk so that I don't feel so crowded; I think irritation will force me to actually do it before energy gathering is complete but it's not like I'll have to go far in order to plop back down into my chair.
    I got back into college in September which I'm utterly glad of, though there was much annoyance involved and it did involve me power-walking from town to college in a fit of pissed off rage to find out when I start. After receiving no letter as promised and my phone calls either being ignored or fobbed off, I dressed to kill and marched down there ready to shout at whomever necessary to get my answers. In the end the receptionist just called someone and told me the date more or less straight away, I'm still curious as to why they couldn't have put me on hold for a few moments and done that when I first phoned them, but hey! It's administration, they're useless at the best of times. Said power-walking also resulted in two fuck-off large blisters that had me hobbling round the house for the next few days whilst they healed.

    My brother has also gotten married since and I couldn't be happier for him. They both looked amazing and gorgeous together, and besides a couple of small mishaps that resulted in forgotten flowers and a broken gift things turned out brilliant. There was no punch up and no one threw up in the rented hall (Thank god). After the amount of things that went wrong before hand they really did deserve a trouble-free day.

    And I think for now I'm going to leave it at that. I could keep on typing I suppose, I'm sure there's lots of wacky stories I could tell, but who really wants to read 10,000 words on what's been happening in my life in one go?

    Take care of yourselves
    V
    xx